Dear Tennis4All Members —
It is my great honor and privilege to be serving as this year’s Atlantic Cup captain, and in that esteemed capacity (i.e., the role that nobody else wanted), I am writing to ask that you consider representing our great organization in our effort to dominate our rivals (on the tennis court not the bedroom, you pigs). Boston will compete in a team tennis competition at the Harvard courts on August 10th and 11th against NY, DC, and some other insignificant city from a state that voted to install The Donald as President (payback time!). The team will be composed of players from each level (Open, A, B, C, D and XXX … don’t ask, but lets just say Buldini has this one covered) at both singles and doubles. The multi-person event will be reserved to the after-party and is strictly BYOS&H (Bring your own swings and harnesses). Last year we came in second place, but with the home court advantage we have a real shot at victory! Should we not win, there may or may not be a contingency plan already in place to acquire the trophy through a clandestine operation, but lets hope it doesn’t come to Conall streaking across Cambridge to cause a distraction while Mike Dineen quietly drops the trophy into his strangely inconspicuous beach bag.
If you would like to play on the Atlantic Cup team or simply want more information please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Spots will fill up quickly, and I’d like to get some practices going so please do so quickly!
Captain Chlamydia (aka Brian)